Synaptic misfires

My dear husband’s 27th birthday was on Wednesday and I am just now blogging about it. Now, I understand that a post about my husband and his birthday may not be the most interesting read for anyone other than, well, my husband. And maybe me, on a good day. Even so, I had every intention to post a tender and loving birthday tribute prior to the event for everyone to enjoy. Well… OK, maybe just for my husband to enjoy. And possibly me.

In my mind I had envisioned telling the world what a wonderful, supportive, and all around fantastic man I have and how very deeply I wished for him to have a wonderful birthday. I was certain it would be something memorable that we would both appreciate. Or… at least something he would appreciate. Or be teased mercilessly about by friends, family, and coworkers. But, of course, I can’t be bothered with details like that.

As you can see, however, such a post does not exist (you can breathe a sigh of relief now. Really. It’ll feel good.). If I had thought ahead, I could have written the post on Tuesday and set it up to publish sometime on Wednesday and my plan would have worked. But instead I was busy selecting and buying all of the gifts I had failed to purchase earlier as well as baking and decorating the cake I had neglected to make in advance.

If I had been resourceful, I could have even written the post on Wednesday and published it before he arrived home and my plan would have still at least taken place, albeit, not as well. But sadly, I was scurrying to wrap all of the presents that he would be unwrapping mere minutes after I had finished wrapping them. After I had so painstakingly used one inch long sewing scissors to cut each square of paper. Because all other tools typically used to cut paper, with the exception of a hole punch, had become LOST IN THE GARAGE.

But, neither of these scenarios came to pass. So now, instead of a mushy love tribute, you must endure a post about my husband’s past-tense birthday and how all of my last minute work turned out. Let’s begin, shall we?

TA DA! Yes, that brown blob to the left is a cake. Its made from a super secret Callahan family recipe that was created by a late great-grandmother with magical cake making skills. Because apparently she could make this thing look like a cake instead of a cow patty.

Now that I have shown the world my awesome cake decorating skills, let’s examine my lesser known but equally fantastic gift wrapping abilities. Move over, Martha!

I only have one question–why did everything I bought come in a ROUND package? And does anyone know the proper technique to fold paper around curved packages anyway? And do manufacturers put their products in this type of packaging to drive me insane? OK, that was three questions. Three questions that will haunt me for the rest of my life. I may never be able to sleep again knowing that the world has seen how pitifully I wrap round packages. I can’t go on.

Just kidding! This is one of my favorites because it showcases just how careless, er, resourceful I can be. You see that flap of paper that looks out of place? Let’s just call that technique “patching the hole”.

My husband has the frustrating ability of being able to immediately know what the contents of any given present are. This has led me to become somewhat sneaky with what I buy and how I package things. To the point that I’ve even hidden smaller and otherwise obvious gifts (such as CDs and video games) in overly large boxes that I weighed down with something heavy. And even going to all of that effort, he STILL knew. So, I was understandably excited when this one stumped him.

Oh look–there’s the birthday boy himself! He looks rather regal, no? I heard a rumor that there was some “commentary” about a photo from an earlier post. To avoid such gossip this time and to keep my husband’s dignity intact, I took the liberty of covering the area in question. I’m sure all parties will be satisfied.

I think this set of corn holders and trays were his favorite gift. You can tell what a stingy, um, considerate wife I am to buy my husband such a useful gift. These are actually a replacement set for the ones I bought for his birthday last year. Because my husband loves him some corn.

OK, I kid. This was probably his favorite gift. Even though its technically just a gift card and therefore just the promise of a future gift. That he must select himself.

And no, my procrastination had absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that he received a gift card instead of an actual tool. I blame it entirely on the fact that Sears carries FOUR different kinds of DeWalt heavy duty reciprocating saws. And perhaps because it employs at least five very INQUISITIVE salesmen that all seemed overly curious about the strange lady in high heels doing some late-night shopping for power tools.